Where does a Greenpoint finance guy who makes $500k/year party?

Introducing: Feed Me's Official Guide to Social Skills

Last Wednesday, I announced that I would be donating all paid subscription revenue over the next week to Food Bank NYC to support New Yorkers who use SNAP. Since then, your subscriptions have helped provide 25k+ meals. If you’ve been wanting to get a paid subscription, and you also want to help New Yorkers buy food during one of the busiest times of year for families, you can do that here.

Today’s newsletter includes: Feed Me’s monthlong party package, Bar Oliver has a Julian Schnabel, an 18-year-old Zohran canvasser learns who Wallace Shawn is, and Tribeca moms want more international children’s books.

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A few weeks ago, Feed Me sent our readers a survey on the state of partying. Unlike past surveys, we focused this one on New York. 612 people responded thoroughly. The average time to complete the whole survey was 18 minutes.

Participants included a finance guy in Greenpoint who makes $500k/year and smokes weed on Thursdays, lesbians in Park Slope who party by taking shrooms and playing pool, a single investor who lives in NoHo and says she spends “way too much time at Chez Margaux,” a divorced mom in Bed Stuy who is exhausted by the expense of children’s birthday parties, a nonbinary social media manager in Prospect Heights who slept with a coworker at a work party, and a married marketing manager in Tribeca whose mother taught her to bring homemade pumpkin bread to parties.

Today, we’re launching a monthlong series to help you survive the most social season of the year. Feed Me’s Official Guide to Social Skills will include a map of New York’s most exciting bars (according to all of you), expert-led etiquette tips and hangover hacks, a comprehensive guide to gossip from some of the city’s most seasoned practitioners, and more. Contributors include Wendy Goodman, Sasha Mutchnik, Krithika Varagur and Lachlan Cartwright. To kick things off, here are some key findings from the survey:

We asked readers how often they are going out and where (to the club, a dinner with friends, a house party, or a brand event.)

28% of you are going out 5+ nights a week, 44% are going out 3-4 nights a week, 18% of you go out 1-2 times a week, and 9% of you go out less than once a week.

“I am very active in the Bushwick/Ridgewood queer nightlife scene. The venues I frequent most are Nowadays, Basement, Signal, Bossa Nova, and many underground/DIY parties. I tend to go out every Friday night from midnight until roughly 9 or 10am. I sleep during the daytime on Saturday. I enjoy Saturday evening, but am usually going to bed by 10pm/11pm. Majority of my Sundays I wake up at 6/6:30am to eat and shower, because I like to walk to Nowadays before 8am to meet my friends who go out all night Saturday (usually at Basement) and then go to Nowadays in the early AM Sunday. We stay there typically until 2pm, maybe a little longer but not usually into Mister Sunday. Then we either go to an afters or hopefully Signal has an evening party. I go home around 10pm Sundays to sleep and eat before work at 9am Mondays.” (M, 25-34, beverage marketing, Bushwick).

“2-3 years ago I would meet up with a different group of friends (or 1:1) for a long dinner at a shiny trending restaurant several times a week. The evening usually always transitioned into a long night bar-hopping, usually home by 2-3am. As more of my friends have gotten married and shifted focus to being more established in their career, there’s a definite shift to dinner parties and small gatherings at people’s apartments. The tone of the group chats feels mellow at large which fortunately means fewer hangovers. Less fortunate is the deep nostalgia I have for the chaos and levity.” (F, 25-34, works in SaaS GTM, Greenpoint).

“These days, I go out maybe once or twice a week, usually for dinner with friends or a design event that conveniently involves cocktails and good lighting. The “club” is something I read about in The Cut now. I’m typically home by 10:30, thrilled to wash my face and mindlessly scroll TikTok.” (F, 35-44, interior designer, Upper West Side)

We asked readers their top reasons for turning down an event invite. These were their responses, from most to least answered:

1. Tired

2. Self-care

3. Assuming party will be bad

4. Work

5. Money

Is the office party dead?

• 62% of you said yes

• 28% said no

Six respondents said a Bloody Mary is the best cure for a hangover.

Suggested pairings included a spliff, an orgasm, and spicy chicken sandwich.

Asked about your most essential party etiquette rules, 22 respondents said Irish exits are the way to go.

Only 5 of you were staunchly anti-Irish.

“If the host is stressed and trying to interact with everyone, and it will make it more awkward to try to interject and say goodbye, I’m pro-Irish exit.” (F, 25-34, PR director, Brooklyn)

“An Irish exit is always the best way to leave a party.” (F, 25-34, fashion founder, Greenwich village)

If someone is hosting you for a party or dinner, do you usually bring a host/hostess gift?

• 93% do

• 7% don’t (rude)

What’s your go-to drink on a night out?

• Cocktail: 45%

• Simple mixed drink (i.e. vodka soda): 24%

• Wine: 20%

• Beer: 11%

7% of respondents don’t drink alcohol. How social life has changed since getting sober:

“At first it was hard but now nearly 8 years later I have so much more fun. Best decision I ever made for my face and my mental health. We crazy Americans normalize alcohol use beginning at 21, what if we normalize quitting at 41?” (F, 45-54, finance assistant, New Jersey)

“Not by much. We still go out and have $18 NA cocktails.” (F, 35-44, Rockaways)

“You realize how boring people get halfway through their third drink.” (F, 45-54, media exec, the suburbs ‘not New Jersey’)

“Not at all, I used to be a television reporter who could not afford the calories or the perception of drunkenness so it was easier just not to drink. That was decades ago. Why start when there’s no need?” (F, 65+, investor, Upper East Side)

“People think it’s weird at first. Easier to say ‘I’m sober’ than ‘I don’t drink.’ I just don’t enjoy it. I’ll usually get stoned instead.” (M, 25-34, actor, Upper West Side)

Do you ever take any other substances? If so, which?

• 30%: Don’t take substances

• 46%: Weed

• 40%: Mushrooms

• 23%: Cocaine

• 13%: Ketamine

• 5%: Acid

• 4%: Valium, Xanax, or other benzos

Most exciting bars in the city, ranked by mentions:

1. Rodeo and Funny Bar (12 mentions)
2. Time Again (11)
3. People’s, Public Records, Balthazar (10)
4. Eel Bar, Ha’s, Schmuck, Bar Oliver, The Odeon, Theodora (8)
5. Wild Cherry, Hotel Chelsea (7)

Honorable mentions:

“I Cavallini; Four Horsemen still so good. Grace’s for pints and music. Sailor in BK. Anything from Hand Hospitality (hot for food, not really vibe). I’ve been meeting guys at the bar at Balthazar, lunch and late night. That place will never not be exciting. And don’t forget if you go alone, you get a free glass of champagne on Keith. Finally, Commerce Inn (best 50/50 gin martini in NYC).” (F, 25-34, chef and consultant, South Slope)

“Depending on the reasoning behind it. Buzz: Corner Store. Members Club: San Vicente, Chez Margaux, Casa Tua, Casa Cipriani. Hotels: Faena. I still love Polo Bar. Also love Jon Neideich’s places: The Nines, Acme, Bar Bianchi, Elvis, etc. Also Crane Club was amazing and I went to an old school dance party that took place from 8-11pm at Marquee.” (M, 45-54, PR, Gramercy)

“Bar Pisellino is my watering hole to start the night, no matter where we are heading. A typical night is Bar P to dinner to a nearby bar/club/etc pending how we feel after dinner and how heavy our meal was.” (M, 25-34, entertainment, West Village)

“My friends would say Carousel (Bushwick bar that closes at 2am) but honestly I’ve had so much fun making out with guys by the out of order photo booth at Alligator Lounge.” (F, 25-34, reporter, Astoria)

We also asked readers about members clubs.

The most popular club to be part of is still Soho House (18 current members, with another 34 former members or occasional visitors), though respondents had some choice words about it:

“I am an ex-Soho House member and that shit absolutely sucked. Everyone was weird and unfriendly and no one wanted to have fun at their events. I think members’ clubs are a huge scam if you actually want to have a good time, and only worth it if you’re mega-rich and terrified of brushing shoulders with someone who might make $60K a year with no trust fund to fall back on.” (F, 25-34, media marketing, Williamsburg)

“I know it’s not the coolest but I’m bicoastal and travel to Europe a few times a year. They had first market advantage and they’re everywhere I am. If I had more $$ (or access to someone else’s credit card) I would prob join San Vicente Bungalows or another club.” (F, 25-34, non-profit fundraiser, Brooklyn)

7 of you belong to San Vicente Bungalows and another 4 are interested in joining:

“SVB has a lot of potential but it is too focused on the children of Jeff [Klein]’s friends. It needs a more global audience.. you need to feel somewhere every night could be a vicarious adventure and no clubs or bars offer that…people aren’t open. Girls are there because TikTok said they will meet rich guys and guys have no cultural understanding anymore... Casa Cipriani has a good looking international set but it is full of a lot of performative douches... the point is the arts world still exists, creatives still exist... how do we get back Elaine’s, Mudd Club, and hedonism right here in Manhattan.. we shouldn’t have to go to Public Records.” (M, 25-34, West Chelsea)

Others mentioned include Maxime’s, ZZ’s Casa Cipriani, SAA, The Twenty Two, Chez Margaux, Zero Bond and New York Athletic Club.

Those interested in joining liked the idea of a guaranteed reservation and a comfortable third space:

“My husband and I are considering joining one, just, if nothing else, to be able to get a reservation somewhere in this godforsaken city. I know people think Soho House is crusty, but 50% off at Berenjak on Mondays is close to life-changing. Seriously, a gorgeous deal. I don’t know enough about the others but my husband went to ZZ’s with work and discovered he loves Carbone enough to consider joining. I asked my girlfriends if I should join one and if so which one. One of my friends said Zero Bond, another said Twenty Two.” (25-34, Director of communications and marketing, Hudson Yards)

Those who disliked them found them elitist, lame, too expensive or corny:

“They are the sororities of NYC, in my opinion. Paying for ‘friends.’” (F, 25-34, publicist, Crown Heights)

“I think it takes the spontaneity out of the night knowing what kind of crowd you’ll get. In my experience, it attracts the worst kind of people to hang out with — it’s all finance bros who have enough money to afford the membership but lack the taste to go somewhere fun (and need a guaranteed spot).” (F, 18-24, fashion event production, Nolita)

“The proliferation of the members’ club feels like turning New York into an airplane where the classes are separated. These clubs tend to be kind of lame, the food and drink is never as good or exciting as an innovative independent restaurant led by a smart young chef, and frankly, who wants to be with the same people all the time anyway? The joy of NY is that you don’t know what kind of characters you’re going to cross paths with on a night out. I’d much rather have more amazing upscale restaurants to sample than more overpriced needlessly opulent (garish?) private clubs.” (M, 35-44, writer, downtown Manhattan)

“Clearly a way for 40 year old men to get into spaces where they can meet 25 year old women as they are justly turned away from East Village bars.” (F, 25-34, product lead, Nolita)

When it comes to weddings…

32 of you said “black tie optional” was the most confusing dress code. Other confusing wedding dress codes included:

• Tiki Formal

• Western Festive

• Palm Beach Meets Tuscan Villa

• Palermo Sunset

• Streetwear Meets Black Tie

• Jewel-Tone Desert Cowboy

• Dressy-Casual Cowgirl

• Festive Italian

• Salvador Dalí Dreamscape

• Colorful Cabana Casual

• Black Tie Adjacent — think baguettes and big band jazz, bonfires and champagne shooters, the Gilded Age tucked into a cozy, autumn-leaf enclave. We’re aiming for Old-World elegance with New Orleans abandon.

• My own wedding dress code: sorry everyone, I guess “Italian chic” is bad.

• Shabbos Chic

7 of you have been invited to weddings with “coastal” dress codes. Including “coastal chic,” “coastal cocktail” and “coastal casual.

We asked who you thought was having the most fun in the city right now.

• 8 of you think the West Village girls are having the most fun.

• 25 of you said gays are having the most fun (this includes “gay men with high salaries,” “gays at Basement,” “lesbians” “hot 29 year old unmarried gays working in tech,” “gays in their 40s,” and “culturally but not necessarily sexually gay people.”)

• 39 of you name-checked people in their twenties (“24 year olds who still do blow,” “hot 23 year old girls in Dimes Square,” “25-27 year olds with money,” “26/27 year old female influencers and artists,” “26 year old normies,” “dogs of single girls in their mid-to-late 20s”).

• 11 of you said that people who don’t pay their own rent are having the most fun.

• 38 of you named yourself/yourself and your friends.

• 10 of you said that I (Emily Sundberg) am having the most fun.

• 6 of you said that Zohran is having the most fun.

• One person said the people having the most fun are the attendees of Old St. Patrick’s 7PM mass.

• Two people said Eric Adams is having the most fun. Which is probably the correct answer.

How are the survey’s wealthiest respondents going out?

Man, married, 45-54. Chief marketing officer who makes $2mm/year and lives on the Upper East Side.

How often he goes out: “Not enough! In a given month, hopefully we have one dinner with friends, one date night, and one school-related event which is what passes for social life these days. Date night is usually just dinner out, or occasionally a play or museum if we get organized. Then I’ll have 1-2 work dinners or media events. If we are home by 10 pm, that’s a late night. I miss the stage of my life where dinner would be at 8:30 or 9 pm and then you’d go to a bar ... not that I can drink like I did in my 20s and early 30s but just to take advantage of the only-in-NYC energy that happens as the night goes on.”

On kids parties: “I have kids under 10 and they all go to private school in Manhattan. As much wealth as there is kicking around, the birthday parties are surprisingly mellow: sports parties at the school gym, movie nights, craft studios, etc. One or two have been in early summer at second homes with pools. We spend $30-40 on gifts.”

Firmly held party etiquette rule: “Always find the host early to thank them and register your presence. You don’t need to find them to say goodbye if it’s a big event.”

Most exciting restaurant in New York: “Nightly’s.”

Most confusing wedding dress code you’ve been asked to follow: “Creative black tie or even black tie optional is terrible - you either want us in a tux or you don’t.”

Woman, in a relationship, 25-34. software engineer who makes $400k/year and lives in Brooklyn.

How often she goes out: “Casual friend dinner 1-2 times/week, more festive plan 1-2 times/week, party 2 times/month, club 1-2 times/month. Casual weeknight dinners are out until 9-10, we never really get drinks before or after, maybe 1 during. For parties, birthday, holiday, or otherwise I get home probably 12-1am. Clubbing is pretty important to me and often during the day (11am arrival is my fav). And I find myself at bars on the weekends a lot.”

The most exciting restaurant in New York right now: “Leo, my friend just had a birthday party in their private room and it ruled.”

Her most outrageous work party memory: “I bought coke in the middle of my work party before I worked there. I had signed an offer to return after my internship so they invited me and I was at school in the city. Mostly a me problem but I ended up in the karaoke room with the CTO so it was necessary.”

Hangover cure: “Cheeseburger and beer.”

Most confusing wedding dress code you’ve been asked to follow: “Country club casual.”

Man, single, 25-34. private equity VP who makes $500k/year and lives in Greenpoint.

How often he goes out: “Thursdays for smoking weed and having a couple drinks with my guy friends. Friday night I’m usually out until 1 or 2 with friends at a bar or a show. Saturday starts up around 3 or 4pm if it’s nice out and then ends around 1am. I’m having a great time but I feel pretty cooked most Sundays. I have been at this for a decade in New York now. Does not feel like my friends in their early 30s are slowing down. I imagine I will when they start to leave town or have kids.”

Does he belong to members’ clubs? “Nope. I went to Magnises once in 2015 and it was incredibly torched. Paying for access was lame then and it’s lame now.”

Best club or restaurant in New York: “Long live the Lot Radio.”

Hangover cure: “5mg edible and a sauna/cold plunge session.”

Most confusing wedding dress code you’ve been asked to follow: “Beach formal.”

What is the protocol for cancelling last-minute? “Try not to! Send a text and tell the truth. Everyone can see through a last minute cancellation lie.”

Who is having the most fun in New York? “The people who aren’t posting.”

Why don’t you host at your house more? “I went crazy with house parties when I was newly single two years ago. Hosting takes a toll and I’m usually ready to go to sleep before people are ready to go home.”

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“Emily and Feed Me threads the needle between being the inside baseball of NYC and business, yet still accessible. It’s like a fun version of Politico Playbook. (No offense, Politico!)” - Tammy, paid reader

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• Colbo, the menswear store on Orchard Street that was already known for throwing great kickbacks, opened a bar next door. Tal Silberstein, Colbo’s owner, told me it will be a wine bar that also hosts events.

• The most exciting news for families in Tribeca last weekend was the opening of Words on Warren. The new children’s book store is designed to encourage reading and writing (there are typewriters throughout the space). I asked the store’s owner Jean Maeng what the biggest surprise has been since opening last month. “The amount of support from the community has been mind blowing,” she said. “The realization that we had was that we need a bigger international children’s book section! We are working on doing so. Our bookshop is small but we work fast to adapt to the needs of our readers and families.”

• Ask

  Max Read
  your burning work questions over at The Times.

• Artnet reported that the painting in the front room at Bar Oliver is indeed a Julian Schnabel. Other restaurants that house Schnabel pieces include Wallsé and Torrisi.

• Meet Ella Devi, the Zohran canvasser who went viral yesterday for saying Wallace Shawn (living legend) was known as “the actor who plays dr. strugis in young sheldon.” Most responses were along the lines of “open the schools.” I spoke to 18-year-old Ella last night to find out what it was like to be the catalyst of WallaceGate. Her take: “all the old people getting mad at me on the internet because i totally forgot Wallace Shawn was in clueless and also the princess bride both of which i have actually watched because i’m not an idiot need to go do something better with their time (canvas for Zohran Mamdani).”

  

• Nike advertised on the Staten Island ferry during the marathon yesterday.

• The New York Times is hiring someone to coach the newsroom on how to use video better. If this sounds familiar, it’s because I reported on WSJ’s talent coach job listing earlier this year (which has since been filled). The goal of the video training editor at the Times is similar, “to identify and cultivate necessary video skills among reporters and editors who are experienced in text and other storyforms.” We’re currently discussing it in the Feed Me chat.

• 22 recent high school grads are currently undertaking Palantir’s inaugural “Meritocracy Fellowship,” which is a four-month program designed to be a replacement for college. The kids completed a month of classes about American history and the “foundations of the West” before joining teams at Palantir and traveling across the country to work with clients. It’s unclear how many of them will get return offers, but if they do, they can skip college altogether and stay at the company as full-time employees.

• MAGA kids in D.C. hosted a “Cruel Kids Halloween” party (named after Brock Colyar’s viral “Cruel Kids Table” New York Magazine story) at the Saint Yves nightclub, headlined by Rick Ross. The pics are pretty gross: some dressed up as ICE agents, and another brought a bag of rice and told the Daily Mail that it was his “SNAP and EBT.” According to Cami (who went to college in D.C.), Saint Yves is notoriously the worst club in the city, and even freshmen knew to avoid it even though it was one of the only places they could reliably get into.

• Unsurprisingly, people who work on Wall Street are taking their marathon training too seriously. Their purchases include the $1,000 Normatec boots, $2,000 Eight Sleep mattresses, and a $10,000 Woodway treadmill.

• Planning an Election Night party tomorrow? Invite Cami Fateh, Feed Me’s associate editor and resident party reporter by emailing cami@readfeedme.com