Snark comes to Substack.
A banker pizza party gone wrong, Jamie Dimon wears Common Projects.
Good morning.
I always yawn when I see What would your death row meal be? in an interview with someone. It’s kind of like the dream dinner party question. There are a million ways to answer it, and half of them are the wrong answer. Too much pressure, too little payoff.
But then last week, I was on the beach and was drinking a Peroni and eating fried coconut shrimp while the sun was setting over the ocean, and I understood the question. The J-School 101 question made sense. In a single bite, you could forgive everything — your choices, your exes, your past.
This morning, I looked up what famous people have said they'd want (or actually ate) before they died.
Tom Hanks: French toast made of challah bread topped with Cary’s sugar-free syrup (insane), an In-N-Out Double-Double burger, an avocado-topped Greek salad along with pita bread and taramasalata, an order of crispy calamari and the Taste of History platter from the famous restaurant El Cholo, and a white chocolate-filled Coconut Bundt Cake from Doan’s Bakery. Too much food if I knew I was about to die.
Anthony Bourdain: Said for his last meal he would like to dine alone and eat only roast bone marrow with some parsley and caper salad and a pint of Guinness.
Saddam Hussein: Apparently his last meal was chicken and rice, and a cup of hot water with honey.
James Dean: His last meal was a slice of apple pie and a glass of milk. I like this one.
Princess Diana: Had a mushroom and asparagus omelette, Dover sole, and vegetable tempura at the Ritz in Paris. Hotel menus are so odd.
Martha Stewart: Told Piers Morgan her last meal would be “good fresh eggs and delicious salad” with butter.
Piers Morgan: Responded to Martha that his last meal would be fish and chips.
Padma Lakshmi: This one rocks. Nachos with a cheese fountain, an ice-cold margarita with Don Julio 1942, coconut chutney, sambar, and kettle chips topped with caviar, sour cream, and chives,
Someone on Twitter: oreo mcflurry and hashbrown.
I would like to know your death row meal in the comment section.
A group of junior analysts pulling 110-hour weeks walked into what they thought would be a fun pizza party. Instead, it was a lecture on why they need to work harder. Since the start of last year, over a dozen junior staffers at Robert W. Baird (a successful midmarket bank) have quit, two were hospitalized, and one was fired after collapsing from exhaustion and later being diagnosed with a failed pancreas. Baird didn’t respond to WSJ’s requests for comment. This ties in with a conversation we were having in yesterday’s comment section about how being a hardo is part of getting an internship today.
The Lyst index for Q1 2025 is out, and Loewe is back on top. Chloé shot up 10 spots to number two, which makes sense given all the boho, flowy tops on my TikTok feed.
has a prediction: “Yes, bohemian-chic will be big this summer, but we’ve reached a point of saturation in social media content about fashion. What I mean by this is that since this particular style has been repeatedly peddled over the last two months, some people will be sick of it by now, before summer even starts. So yes, Chloé will be big this summer, but so will overtly colorful and slinky looks - think Pucci, which has been getting quite a bit of attention from its event with MyTheresa in Austin at the start of the week.”A24 is taking over London’s Prince Charles Cinema for a week of film programming. Screenings are nearly sold out. There will also be a merch pop-up with t-shirts and zines made in collaboration with Manchester’s DR.ME (which has also worked with Adidas, Stella McCartney, and Budweiser).
It’s impossible to read this. Let’s appreciate the Times trying to be on top of trends and in touch with their youth demographic, but even as someone aware of the trend I just can’t bring myself to digest it all.
Andrew Zucker (son of former CNN president, Jeff) launched a newsletter. The description of ZUCKER says that this will be a place to, “Get the scoop on power players.”
Meta lost $4B on its metaverse division, and somehow still posted a strong quarter. Incredible what ad revenue can do. Did you guys see Zuck on Theo Von? You can buy the same chocolate mice that he and Priscilla had on their first date at L.A. Burdick on Prince Street.
did an emergency episode on Bill Belichick’s bizarre CBS News interview featuring Jordon Hudson.
CNN’s new docuseries about JFK Jr. is about to be Substack commentary bait. These nostalgia exercises seem to get good ratings.
I’m enjoying following this California-based olive oil brand, Inez. They’ve been using their Instagram account to show the process of starting the brand, from bottling to packaging. Cool-wine-person restaurants like Gem Home, Bell’s and Stir Crazy already cook with it.
Fat grafting procedures are up 50%, according to the American Academy of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery. I first heard of this procedure in another writer’s Substack chat – someone was looking for a reputable doctor in New York who does the procedure. Basically how it works: you take fat from one area of your body via liposuction, and move it to your breasts, cheeks, temples, under the eyes, or in creases around the nose and corners of the mouth. “It’s the ultimate sustainable filler,” one doctor told ELLE. Regenerative beauty!!
Lorde’s new album art is a photo of an X-Ray of a pelvis with a zipper and belt buckle. I took a look at her merch shop, which is mostly clothing with the same X-Ray image, but there’s also a hat with what I’m assuming is a part of the tracklist.
ChatGPT is pissing people off because it’s being too nice. In other words: people are shocked that an AI has a shit personality.
New York Magazine is looking for a Figma god. I asked what they’re looking for in a new social media designer, and I was told, “Someone who is excited to try new fun things, is online, and sees what trends are emerging, and has an eye for how to translate an 8000-word feature to a 20-slide Instagram carousel.” Isn’t that what we all want….
Snark comes to Substack:
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12 buffalo wings (salt brined, fried crispy, and tossed in generous sauce - franks red hot, dash of fish sauce, knob of Irish butter, cracked black pepper, 3 tbsp fresh lemon juice), Bollinger champagne, and a Padrón cigar
I’d start with a Marlboro light and some chilled red wine. Then honestly, a Culvers ButterBurger would do the trick