Hello everyone.
The assassination of Charlie Kirk — who was the face of the Republican party for millions of conservative youth — will force a new generation to reckon with political violence.
Today’s newsletter includes: An epic In-N-Out review by
, Adam Friedland’s new merch, Air Mail’s future with Puck, and the magazine partnering with Los Angeles Apparel on free issues.“Do you want to know the very first sensation I felt while attempting to eat this? Spasm. My jaw cramped, an inward violent shaking, I cried out in pain. Burgers shouldn’t be this tall. That was instant divine comeuppance. I was punished from Above for even trying to place it in my mouth.” -
Feed Me is throwing a party with Shy’s Burgers next week on Tuesday, September 16th at Time Again on Canal Street. Every day this week you will be getting a short essay from a writer (or someone who knows how to write) about a burger. We are calling this whole thing… Smashion Week.
What can I say about … He’s probably most famous for getting rich people to buy him things. And he’s probably the only person who has convinced Sam Altman to buy a chip that’s not for OpenAI. When we met on Twitter, our connection was instant. Real knows real, jester knows jester. I have no idea who the person on the other end of the payment wire is, but today he wrote about In-N-Out for his Feed Me (and overall publishing?) debut.
Belfry, by
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son,
that whosoever believeth in him should not perish,
but have everlasting life.”
— John 3:16 (As inscribed inside the bottom rim of each In-N-Out fountain beverage).
“Such a cold and lonesome heroine.”
—Leonard Cohen, “Joan of Arc”
Q: Name the beast.
A: I call her “Belfry.”
Q: Named for?
A: Archaic title for siege tower, Middle Ages.
Q: Why a siege tower?
A: See how her stacks rise. She is a creature of artifice.
Q: Your very own?
A: She is a weapon of war, directed against my colon.
Q: What is she made of?
A: Three patties splayed between the yeasty maw, mustard-seared be their flesh, a goldspun blanket of cheese to cover their carcasses.
Q: What exactly do I speak into the two-way speakerbox?
A: “Can I get a three-by-three, no lettuce, no tomatoes, extra spread, a WHOLE grilled onion, with grilled chilies and an EXTRA cheese slice.”
Q: Doesn’t that make it a three-by-four?
A: The extra cheese slice is a cybernetic attachment. It is a mechanical outgrowth on the burger. It must be excluded from the initial calculation. It is a bolt-on turbocharger that will send this derby car flying over the stands and into the moor beyond.
Q: And the drink?
A: Ice water.
Q: And the fries?
A: No fries. This is an ascetic burger. Phone off, stuffed in the center console. Radio silent. Only the idle hum of your vehicle idling.
Q: Presumably you’ll be sipping the ice water?
A: No. It shall be drunk in one throat searing gulp postprandial.
Q: A washing away of sin?
A: A baptismal fountain.
Q: What was your personal experience with “Belfry” like?
A: You want details? Fine. It should be noted that this is the precise opposite of a smashburger. This is the doctor’s homunculus, the Beast of the West, the Automaton of Baldwin Park made in the mustard-stained darkwet to wipe the smashburger off the face of the continent. It is a High Burger. Do you want to know the very first sensation I felt while attempting to eat this? Spasm. My jaw cramped, an inward violent shaking, I cried out in pain. Burgers shouldn’t be this tall. That was instant divine comeuppance. I was punished from Above for even trying to place it in my mouth. I suppose if I was a civilized man and not a rabid, mad dog I would try and eat it with a fork or knife and try to squeeze it down a little or something. I didn’t do any of that. I powered through the pain and ate the Beast whole hog, gnashing it to bits. You need to understand that this is a prodigiously wet burger, on account of the goldmelting cheese and the preposterous quantity of spread applied by the burgersmith. The overwhelming sensation of this burger is a total collapse of everything into a single flowing mass. The entire thing falls down in your mouth. It is the primary function of the siege tower, to bring down the structure. It is a deluge of roaring gold. The chilies burn bright, the whole onion is the only grounding element of the burger, a single anchor, one onion, terra firma. It doesn’t “go down” so much as it slithers; it takes on a life of its own. There is only pre— and post— Belfry; all of history is collapsed into this incident. Have you heard the stories of rotting bodies catapulted over medieval walls? I will spare you the historiography. All that needs to be known is that these things that have passed will come again. You will stand at the drawbridge sniffing the green stinking moat, and the speakerbox in front will hum with neon and delight. The knights will come wearing lapmats and you, you my friend, will dance with them far into the lettuce bunched mornings with a saturated, fatty look in your eye.
Q: You know those big red trays they give you?
A: Yes.
Q: Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
A: Yes. I did already, before. Would you like to hear about one of the most beautiful days of my life?
Q: Go ahead.
A: We took the big red trays and went round and round. We took the big red trays and put them round the big wheels of our Toyota. And round did we go! And we went round and round in great big donuts in the lot. Oh, I wish you could have seen it! I wish you could have seen a quarter of the half of the things I’ve seen. There are some things I’ve seen that I can never tell you about. I can never, ever tell you about those things.
East Oakland, CA
2025
Adam Friedland interviewed Taylor Lorenz in his most recent episode. He also launched his merch shop, which includes a shirt inspired by 80’s Jay Leno The Tonight Show merch.
An East Hampton man called the police on Friday because a Serafina bartender told them they were closed. I need to know what they were trying to order.
Thinking about this level of sun protection.
Rachel Tashjian continues to dominate my newsfeed. She asked industry experts how they define “luxury”, the word on the tip of everyone’s tongue right now. With industry price hikes and traditional luxury becoming increasingly inaccessible, the meaning of “luxury” has changed. “In this economy anything you can afford that makes you happy is luxury”, said Law Roach. According to Rick Owens, in trademark all-caps, “TAKING A NAP EVERY DAY IS MY MOST EXTRAVAGANT LUXURY. WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE MORE PRECIOUS THAN TIME, PEACE AND PERSONAL SPACE?” Amen.
A New York Times photographer reflects on her 9/11 images. Writer Ellen Niven remembers her husband, John Niven, writing “Surely two buildings and thousands of lives collapsing into rubble was a wake up call the world would unite over to safeguard our futures? Sometimes it feels like the only real change has been taking off my shoes at airport security and relinquishing my 3.2 ounces of perfume.”
Sam Sifton has a new job. Since 2002, he’s served as Food editor, Culture editor and National editor, the restaurant critic and and a columnist for The New York Times Magazine. Starting this fall, he’ll be the new host of NYT’s The Morning newsletter.
Does everyone have FOMO from Rachel Scott’s Proenza debut? The Jamaican-born designer and founder of Diotima put her signature crocheted spin on OG Proenza, which I think is best described as a “New Yorkish” look. Chloe Malle was smiling ear-to-ear, no dark sunglasses in sight.
The new issue of Sex Mag will be exclusively stocked at the new Los Angeles Apparel store in SoHo. Zach Sokol, the magazine’s “consigliere”, told me that rather than selling it at their usual stockists, the magazine made this issue free (sort of like how VICE used to be free at American Apparel). Filmmaker and novelist Catherine Breillat is on the cover. Sex Mag’s editor Asher Penn added,“It was Dov’s idea to make the magazine free. He suggested it the first time we spoke on the phone in 2020. I just didn’t know where they would even go — this was before the Los Angeles warehouse had opened. I was kinda scared of what might happen. Dov opening the New York store was what gave me the confidence to make that leap. I knew the magazine had to be there and it had to be free.”
We’re approaching
’s New Book season.
The Economist joined Substack. President Luke Bradley-Jones announced it today at the Press Gazette Future of Media Technology Conference in London, and I’m excited that the letter (called
) will focus on data visualization. It will be paywalled.“Nepo” isn’t a bad word anymore. Plum Sykes now refers to herself as a nepo-mom, an inversion that took place because her daughter, Ursula, is Tatler Magazine’s latest intern. Grace Burns (Christy Turlington’s daughter) has quietly taken the stage starring in RE/DONE’s fall campaign with fellow nepo, Meadow Walker. Burns is also dating TikTok heartthrob, Elijah Hewson, the frontman of Irish band Inhaler and son of Bono. And, last night Romy Mars was behind the DJ booth at Chanel’s party — with Nicole Kidman’s daughter.
Tramp stamps are back. Tacky and hot.
A reader wished me a “Happy Klarna IPO day” in the comments of yesterday’s letter. You guys know I’m fascinated by BNPL. The 20-year-old fintech company was supposed to finally debut on the New York Stock Exchange in April, but they delayed their efforts because of tariff-related market volatility. It’s always good to see the
boys in town.
Ha I’ve known about in n out verses since I was ten!! Maybe only the Californians here are privy to this??
That was the greatest & most unhinged love letter to in n out I’ve ever read