Holy water.
A look into Loonen, the favorite bottled water of the coastal elite.
Good afternoon, everyone.
Today’s newsletter includes: A deep-dive into Loonen water, a Brooklyn bakery is opening in Manhattan, and the Pope is delivering his thoughts on AI next week.
Holy water.
In this life, I believe we get one or two chances at being influenced by a water bottle brand. For some people, that might’ve been Jennifer Aniston’s Smartwater ads. For others, it might’ve been the reliable, freezing relief of a Poland Spring water bottle during field day in middle school. For me, it was the magenta hibiscus and tropical leaves (which have since been removed) on my mom’s Fiji water bottle. I remember her putting it on the counter after yoga, whatever incense her Long Island Bikram studio was burning still lingering on it. It was a foreign object, a totem of water from some place I’d never been.
Idealizing water seems childish to me now. I am not above Deer Park or Aquafina or Jaden Smith’s boxed water. There are certain high horses I’ve never been called to climb, branded water being one of them. The water fountain at my YMCA hits as hard as the Acqua Panna in Casa Cipriani’s gym — they both bring me great joy and relief. And probably microdoses of microplastics.
When glass Loonen water bottles started showing up on my feed a few months ago, I barely paid attention. There are dozens of bottled water brands at Erewhon that don’t break through to my life in New York. But then Sweetgreen co-founder Nic Jammet posted about it (his brother, Patrick, is listed as an advisor to the company). And then Tinx posted about it. And Leandra Medine. And Lisa Rinna. And Cazzie David. And then I started seeing women on the subway carrying them.
I finally visited the Loonen site, which leans heavily into the fact that their water is bottled in glass (vs. plastic) and is third-party tested. One graphic on the site boasts that Loonen is a great “base for supplements.” A pack of six bottles of Loonen is $35. After scrolling through the FAQs and raving Amazon reviews, I asked my Instagram followers why everyone was treating Loonen as holy water, and received a range of responses:
“It’s free and looks nice.”
“I’m convinced it’s a psyop with a really extensive gifting list.”
“I’m convinced it’s a Meadow Lane MAHA psyop.”
“They sent me some when they launched. It’s….water. Tastes good, for water.”
“Olipop head of growth.”
“It’s actually really good and never touches plastic the entire process.”
“Finally someone is asking this.”
“It’s literally just fine.”
“Packaging is A+, the mouth opening on the bottle is ideal, not too fizzy, and great founder story.”
“It’s the new Mountain Valley.”
“The founder Clara is the real deal.”